a 2023 prayer

el roi- the God who sees me. me. little tiny speck of a billion of other humans me.

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this winter break has been full of beebopping every which way and catching up with so. many. people. I counted- 11 beds in total I have slept in over the past three weeks. ELEVEN BEDS. what a blessing it is to know and love so many of God's children to where that number is even possible. wow.

as big of a blessing each and every person that I saw on my adventures is to me- I sit here writing this feeling a sort of apathy and numbness that leaves me with a sense of guilt. I have been given so much, why is my heart unsatisfied? left feeling empty? as soon as I left Dickies arena in Dallas, it felt so much harder to feel the fullness of joy found in the Father. why????

I have a tendency to try and put God in a box. if I am not in a certain place, or with certain people, I automatically think that He cannot meet me where I am. but golly, is this the furthest thing from the truth. and you know why? because I serve a God who sees me. it doesn't matter where I am, the thoughts I'm struggling with, or who I'm with. He SEES me and the condition of my heart. He chooses to meet me there.

and I KNOW this. I know that He is a come-as-you-are type of God. and yet I still feel the need to "meet Him halfway." I try and sprint in the direction I assume Him to be to make things "easier" for Him, running myself to the ground only to be held back by the heavy chains that I am bound by. sin is heavy, and holds us back from fully "running with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith."

I have really been made aware that my view of the Lord's grace and what it means for my life does not at all give Him the glory He deserves. but He is kind where I am undeserving, and I get to rest and abide in my Father's presence as I grow in understanding of this priceless gift He has extended.

my prayer for 2023 is that I lean into the truth that is the grace of God. learning it, experiencing it, letting it transform the way that I view myself and others. I am so expectant this year to see the Lord shape my heart to look more like His son- in both the trials and the blessings He lays before me. and ALL praise that He has promised to walk beside me through every part.

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