but I know it'll be okay

it is really easy in a season of turmoil and trial to put your head down and just try to get through. to blow past everyone and when they ask how you're doing responding "I'm doing okay," avoiding at all costs the eyes that are looking at you with care and concern.

but internally- you know the honest answer is "I'm not okay." and you want so badly to truly be okay, but you're just not. and you're struggling. and the enemy's whispered lie that you always have to "be okay" is holding you hostage, holding you back from being honest and letting anyone in. including your Heavenly Father.

I know Jesus holds my eternity- I'm okay.

I know that I'm promised trials- I'm okay.

I know this is just a season- I'm okay.

I know the thoughts in my head aren't true- I'm okay.

I know the feelings of my heart are lying- I'm okay.

but friend, none of that knowledge negates the fact that you are under attack. and you can say it all you want, but you simply aren't okay. you're struggling. and continuing to say "I'm okay" when you can't swim and your head keeps on going underwater isn't going to do anyone any good.

your spirit is not going to magically start to be okay by you faking it. sorry.

your spirit is only going to get better by acknowledging, letting the family around you catch the tears as they fall, and being brutally honest before the Great Physician about your pain knowing that He is the only one who can bring relief to broken spirits.

He catches each of our tears in a bottle- what hurts us hurts Him too. we're His children. the pain we experience this side of heaven is not lost on Him. and I just imagine Him looking down at us and wishing that we would actually hear Him:

"child, your pretending isn't bringing me any honor. it's just hurting me too."

and I wonder how much our response to our hurts would change if we knew this was true. I don't think any of us would pretend to be okay anymore.

I think our response would change to- running straight to Him as blood drips from the cut that has been inflicted, wailing and crying and asking Him to please help. because we have realized that embracing our pain does not negate our faith.

embracing the fact that we're in pain should make us run even faster to the only one who can provide relief to our hurts. because He desires so very deeply to provide that relief.

we know that our resurrection is coming. we know that we have hope. but that doesn't make everything in the here-and-now "okay." it just means that we can hold to the truth that one day it will be.

it will be okay. one day. and today, when our hearts feel sick and our souls feel broken, we get to be honest.

honest with ourselves, honest with those around us, and most importantly honest with the Lord.

when there is honesty there can be truth. and when there is truth, there can be healing.

whether it's the pain of receiving a no, broken relationships, a valley season, a mind whose thoughts are not their own, or the ending of something that you hold close to your heart, bring your heaviness to the throne of grace. let yourself cry at His feet, and know that He is collecting every tear.

His arms are open and ready to receive you with compassionate grace. and so often, His embrace is felt through the physical arms of a community learning to love each other as Jesus loves them. He holds you close through His people, through conversations had and burdens shared.

we were never meant to do this alone. Jesus already did it alone- so that we wouldn't have to.

it's not okay. and that's okay. for now, just remember the hope that one day it will be.