healing in His hands

"in the crushing, in the pressing, You are making new wine."

here's something about obedience that people don't talk about nearly enough- the initial act of obedience isn't what's hardest. it's everything that comes after.

walking in step with obedience is something that will absolutely test the foundation of your faith. taking the first bold step tests if you have the faith- but walking it out will show if your faith is built on simple knowledge or true belief.

saying yes to a whole different senior year definitely wasn't easy in the moment, but the Lord's hand was resting so heavily on the whole situation that it was crystal clear I was meant to take a new direction and step into the uncomfortable. and I could so tangibly feel Jesus' hand in mine as I stepped into the waves of the unknown.

and I trusted Him through all of it, I did. but once the initial shock and reality of what that decision meant for me wore off, the enemy attacked in the the only way he knew how to- with lies. per usual.

lies that God was far away. lies that He was a God who was asking me to give up a good gift to prove my affection for Him. lies that I had to hold it all together because I was stepping into stewarding a role of ministry.

I became numb to the truth that God's hand is always reaching out to me if I just look for it. numb to the truth that He is a kind Father who loves when His children delight in the good gifts He's given- not looking for an opportunity to take them away. numb to the truth that I am human just as much in need of grace and help as everyone else around me.

so much of my brokenness had made itself so apparent in stepping into a new season and I felt as though I was under a magnifying glass. I kept on making comments to people about feeling as though old wounds were being reopened and I was struggling to understand why the Lord was allowing it to happen.

one of my sweet, wise friends looked at me in one of these moments of hurt and doubt and simply pointed me back to the truth that I have a kind Father:

"how beautiful to cut open wounds that didn't heal well so that in His hands they can." wow.

it's human nature to slap a bandaid on a bullet hole and fool yourself into thinking that the deep wound has been healed by the surface-level treatment that you can provide. but unless the Lord tends to it, the wound will continue to re-open and cause heavy heart hurts that keep you from fully stepping into the renewal and abundant life Jesus so badly wants for you.

in the midst of the hurt that I know my soul needs to heal, I have seen my faith and trust tested- and I cannot say that doubt and fear have been strangers to my mind and heart. but, what I can say is that time and time again Jesus continues to prove His faithfulness in the kindest of ways.

and He doesn't owe any of that to me- but He is choosing to give it freely anyway.

struggles do not have to go away to see clearly the love that our Father has for us.

love that truly can heal the deep wounds of our souls inflicted by the broken shards of our imperfect world.

it takes time. healing always does. but if there's one thing I'm learning in this season of mine it's that as He slowly heals my heart- it's transforming my faith from being simple knowledge to being a firm belief in who my Savior is. of how He moves.

and, most importantly, how He redeems.

Redeemer, Father, Friend, oh, my God I am so thankful that is who you are!

"as simple as that

don't overthink, don't complicate it

no strings attached

He loves you, He loves you"

-ELEVATION RHYTHM