in His hands

"I gain it all in the letting go

so I'm letting go, You are in control

I find my life when I give it up

so I give it up, I can trust Your love"

~ vertical worship

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I think I am beginning to understand what Jesus meant when He told His disciples they had to leave everything behind to follow Him.

there are times when the Father's voice is so strong and so clear, it feels like He is right in front of us. times when His callings are simply too loud for us to ignore, for us to claim that what the Lord is asking hasn't been made clear enough to take a step forward.

and often, these are the times when He is asking us to surrender, to uncurl our hands from grasping the things our human selves selfishly care about too much.

the story of the rich young ruler has been on constant repeat in my mind lately- especially the truth of the hold that earthly "things" have on us. a hold we do not recognize as a death grip until Jesus gets down on our level and looks us in the eye, asking us to hand something we love over to Him. because we cannot hold things of this world close and live fully surrendered to the Lord at the same time.

that's a convicting truth.

"but he was deeply dismayed by these words, and he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property." (mark 10) this is the reaction of the young ruler, wanting the Lord but not badly enough. not with desperation, not with open hands.

this is the place I keep coming back to. the question- do I want Him badly enough? am I willing to give all I have to receive all He is?

maybe it's just me, but I know that I tend to overestimate what my human self is willing to give up until it's actually asked of me to turn over to the Lord's hands. truly so telling of where my idols lie.

identity. this is the silent idol that I have been tripping over consistently lately. putting my worth in everything except for the Lord's hands. pride over my earthly "titles" and affirmation over worldly attributes. thanks be to Jesus that I've been brought to my knees over this, but goodness GRACIOUS it's been a tough wrestling match.

God's daughter. this is the title that I am learning to cling to in a season where I am being called to lean into surrender and trust in the Father's hand and heart. He calls. and my prayer in this time of refinement is that I can answer "yes" with full confidence- for I am His precious child and can find rest in His hands. in His hands and in His perfect plan for every step I take through this life.

oh Jesus, faithful Savior, may my response to your calling come from a heart of humble submission. one whose automatic response is always YES!!!!! and AMEN!!!!!

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"but he brought his people out like a flock;

he led them like sheep through the wilderness.

He guided them safely, so they were unafraid;

but the sea engulfed their enemies."

~Psalm 78:52/53