over and over and over and over

God is too gracious to us. it's overwhelming really.

---

I grappled against the enemy hardcore in the months leading up to my baptism. I really didn't think that I would get up the courage to take that step- the lies spoken in my mind were so convincing. that I should not get up there in front of all those people and declare my life to be surrendered to the King, because I was going to fall short. and sin.

I was so thoroughly bound to the lie that baptism meant my walk with Christ had to be perfect. that all the eyes watching me were going to be critical of every step I took, waiting for me to mess up, be anything less than the "perfect" christian. oh stupid enemy and his filthy lies.

in my battle with these thoughts the Lord was constantly moving, pulling my heart toward Himself and not letting me run from this next step in my journey with Christ. I said yes after much doubt, still feeling like I was going blindly into baptism without knowing the truth of what it meant for my life.

God is so silly in the way He reminds us of His faithfulness through the steps He has intricately written into each of our stories. He knows our little minds need encouragement in the scary parts of faith. and that encouragement for me in the months as I stepped into baptism were "over and over."

He is so in every detail, I can tell you that with full assurance. in conversations, in scripture, in worship... everywhere I looked it seemed that the Father was gently telling my innermost soul that it was okay that my walk wasn't going to be perfect. it was okay because He had what was needed to provide where I fall short. and He didn't have "just enough" either. He had an OVERwhelming amount to pour out on my life.

He was going to shower grace on my heart. over and over.

He was going to hold my hand when I inevitably slipped on a black ice patch of temptation. over and over.

He was going to fill my cup with joy when the truth of living in a sinful and fallen world became too much to bear. over. and. over.

over and over. every crevice of my life being saturated by a God who is too kind in the midst of my brokenness.

and now, every time I look at my arm, I am reminded of this. reminded of His perfect qualities and the people He's placed in my life to teach me about the infinite attributes of the Father's character.

I have now been washed clean. once symbolically, by the water of baptism. and now over and over, for the rest of my days by the redeeming blood of the Lamb.

who am I that this is the truth? I have no response but praise from a heart that is overflowing- so completely overjoyed and humbled by the love that my Savior has for me.

---

"The LORD your God is in your midst,

a mighty one who will save;

he will rejoice over you with gladness;

he will quiet you by his love;

he will exult over you with loud singing."

~ Zephaniah 3:17